he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
