I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i now understand why vodka
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize