Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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