My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
