Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
