i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize