discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
