threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
