i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
