Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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