i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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