haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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