Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
