i already hear my dad disowning me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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