Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
