you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
