I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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