That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
