I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
