Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
