True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize