Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
