I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
