So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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