The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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