saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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