last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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