Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
