if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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