you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
