Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
