i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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