the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
