how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
