i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
