I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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