Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
