a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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