i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
