Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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