How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
