We're facebook friends in real life
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
