those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
