Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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