I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
