Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
