You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
