Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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