I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
