what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
