I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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