He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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