she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
