there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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