btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
