I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize