I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
