I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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