Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
