no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
