The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
