i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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