is your mom at the bar?
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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