i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out mid-signature
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
